The Siren's Call

Lately I've begun to wonder if the things in my head and heart are the things that are actually coming out in real life. That is, I want to be someone who is loving and changing the world and helping and creating. However, I often feel like I'm just getting by and living for my own comfort. I suppose this realization struck me because as I lay in bed this morning, before I forced myself to get up and face the day, I started to figure up the amount of time left in the semester. Around two and a half months. And that means that in two and a half months I'll be dealing with finals and papers and moving out and plane tickets and visa extensions and goodbyes. It also means that I have crap loads of work to do and be and say before that point. There are so many things I'd like to be involved with, so many people I'd like to invest in and be invested in in return. But where is the time?

Probably spent in Starbucks, in all honesty. I'm twenty yards away from the entrance right now, and it's more than likely my next stop.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't the green siren's fault that I'm wasting time. Sometimes I get loads of work done amid the vroom of the steamer and grind of frappé. More often than not, though, I linger near the pastry case or beside the hot bar chatting the hours away with friends. I know all the drama of who thinks what of whom and which among them are dating. I know who got fired and who should be (for screwing up my DoubleShot today...). But what does it amount to, really? Nothing worthwhile. Yes, I've made some new friends and satisfied a growing love for espresso. But my research is half-hearted and my other classes are endured with the resolve of admirable attendance as the highest goal.

I guess I'm not really down on school, though the speed at which it is drawing to a close is alarming. Rather, I'm just pining to be more plugged in to something meaningful. I've grown a lot this year, I just want more.

And now it's time to check on the Starbucks kids.

T