Thesis Teaser

Ok, so I'm in the thick of writing my Honors Thesis, which is a novel about a Christian couple in China who become pregnant with an illegal second child. I don't want to give it all away, but I did want to just put this out there. It's a work in progress (though I hope I'm near the end of my full first draft) and so here is a bit of a teaser.

This is a prayer of my main character, Melanie, as she is struggling with the different pressures on her early in her pregnancy.

God, you give me so much. I want to give you myself. But you seem to be making it harder than I thought it would be. I am starting to wonder if you care at all. This baby. I just can't understand. I can't see how I can keep this baby without giving up everything else. Even Matthew. I love him. He loves me. But this might break us, God. I know he was right about the government and lies. You tell me to submit to my husband as he submits to you. I'm trying, but God, you're making this hard. You tell us to submit to our leaders. I'm trying that, too. But my leaders are wrong, God. You let them stay in power, and they are wrong! Where is your justice? They care only about themselves and money. I can't tear out what you are knitting together in my womb, but I do wonder why you decided to start knitting now, why in me? If you are in control, why not stop this? I'm in a situation with no good answers, and I'm supposed to just believe that it will somehow work together for good because I love you. Well, God, it won't. It can't. You blessed me with the curse of impossible joy. Love I can't keep. God, next time, please, bless someone else. Amen.

T